The weird feeling is coming from my current job. I'm handing in my notice on Sunday, which gives me four weeks left. I already have the last two weeks of those booked off, cause I was going to go on holiday, but I'm not anymore. I still have a day to book off, so I could quite easily book next week off. This means that this Sunday, the Sunday I hand my four-weeks notice in, will be my last Sunday at my current job. And as much as I despise the job, a little part of me doesn't want to go. 

 I've been there two and a half years, and it's only in these past six months which I've really felt comfortable with the people I work with, actually talking to them and gaining confidence. And at the peak of sociability, I'm going! This also means this Sunday will be the last day I see a girl I fancy who works there, and I don't think I'll be asking her out, so it may just be MSN conversations for us after then. 

 Really weird actually wanting to quit a job for the past year and so much, and then when it comes to it I don't really want it to happen. Still, let's see how the first two days of my new job go.

I've guess I've just been thinking about life, specifically my life. It's really weird and I fear I may make one hell of a long post if I go into detail about it. But I just feel like I'm changing. I know one thing that since the start of this year my political views have changed. I wouldn't say I believe the opposite of what I did six months ago, but certainly, the me of January would sort of be horrified at who I am now. Yet, I'm still comfortable with who I am, and I feel I can defend my political views and the changes I've gone through since January.

 Of course, it's not just my political views. It's my complete outlook on life. I've been questioning my atheism and I'm starting to read the bible, and while I'm safe to say that I'm no more Christian than at the beginning of the year, I may be a bit more spiritual. Though this does not stop me supporting religious satire, or attacks (not physical) on religious culture. I'm all for it, and any law which aims to curb this means we (as a human race) are going in the wrong direction.

Also, I'm more confident. I feel that this has been coming on over the two years I've been at college, but over the past six months, maybe ten, I've really become more confident to everyone, rather than just new friends at work or college. I'm not as confident as some, but I don't think I'd want to get to that stage where I'm thinking to myself that I am over-confident and cocky. 

To finalise on my life over the past six months, over the past month or so, more specifically this last week or two, I've become infatuated with a girl I work with. I only get to see her once every week on Sunday, and every moment with her is a nice one. A funny one, and I really want to ask her out. Yet I really don't want to fall into the abyss if I'm on the friendship ladder…

And I've not got through a lot of the Book of Leviticus either! 

I can't really remember much from Exodus, but I do know that it became painfully boring around half way until nearly the end when all that was said was the descriptions of the Holy Tent and all its artifacts.

I can't say I've learnt much from this, but I've read the story of Moses and the Israelites escape from the Egyptians. Next book is Leviticus.

The friend I was talking to has a free house for the week, as his parents are on holiday. While we've been at college for the past week he's mentioned to a few friends at college about having a bit of smoke and drink at his house on night during the half term. OK sure, so one person who started a conversation with him about it, is fine that I don't get included in the conversation or invited. But when he asks another person, as I'm sitting next to them both…I find it to be a bit of an insult. Add the fact that we're at the pub, and I haven't got no moment. Said friend owes me some money for driving him to college this week, and yet doesnt' ask if I want a drink, in fact, he questions why I havent' got one, even though he knows I'm lacking money.

I just feel so used by the guy sometimes its unreal.

I mean, my family are going away for the week as well, and if I don't do something, I'll be most likely, sat in my room, like I have been for all of today, with a DVD I've already seen a thousand times on my TV, and some forums I've been visiting for five years on the net. All while staring out the window, wishing I was actually fucking doing something. It's so fucking boring and pointless and a waste of time…

And all I do to combat this is, sit in my room writing on my blog about it, with the forum I've been frequenting for five years in another tab, and a DVD I've seen countless times playing on the TV. 

Fucking fuck fuck. 

So you could say this has put a certain amount of pressure on me to get the best grade I can, which would be distinction. On my course, I get three marks, and for my firm university choice I need a DDM (distinction, distinction, merit) mark, along with either a grade 5 music theory or a distinction in the music theory unit on my course.

And since Thursday I've had an underlined feeling that the assignments I handed in that day weren't as good as I could've made them, and that I won't get the grades needed, and therefore miss out on a place at Huddersfield (my firm university choice). And, I'd really like to go to Huddersfield. The facilities are amazing, the accomodation looks amazing, and some of my friends off my current college course are going. It'd be great to live with them and get creative, and go out.

 Though another side of me that wants to go to my insurance, just so I can start again with new people, with none who know me…

Continued later…when I wake up. 

 I want to actually complete some new songs sometimes soon.

I want to design a new website to showcase said non-existant music on. 

I want to get a Macbook and Logic but can't do this without another job (on top of my Sunday job). I can't find one!

Damn. 

And while I have been joking with my friends by asking them what book I was reading when I told them it featured more death, homosexuality and incest than any other book I’d written, so far it’s been a good read.

I’m taking it as a normal book, by the way, I’m not trying to find God through it, and I certainly don’t believe in anything from Genesis, at least from the first third, from the Creation through to people who live to 800-odd years old.

But what have I got from it? What did I learn, or gain from the stories in Genesis, if anything?

Well to me, after a certain point it seemed to be about struggle, as well as family. What I can remember best, because it’s closer to the end, is Joseph explaining to his brothers, the Israelites, that it was in God’s plan that he end up here to save people from the seven year famine. What I got from that was a belief of fate, or at least in ‘God’s plan’, which surely counts for fate if God knows all that has been and all is to come.

Apart from that, I didn’t get much. Joseph’s explaination (from above) was a reply to what his brothers made up that their father Jacob (or Israel). They were going to kill him, then sold him off to slavery, and then made up something from their dead father! And yet Joseph still forgives them.

I’m not too sure what I get from that!

Next book: Exodus

I'll give a quick and brief explanation as to who I am and why I decided to start this blog.

 I'm currently 18 and six months old, just finishing my final few weeks in college. Hopefully I will be moving up north come September, when I shall start university.

Right now in my life, I find myself questioning a number of things I was certain of a year or so ago.  So each day I'm thinking of some things and just reorganising my morals and what I'd do in situations and changing, I know I am.

I'm a strong atheist. Until there is proof there is a god, I follow science, especially since it makes more sense to me. While I hold this belief, I'm currently reading the Bible. I'm currently two-thirds though Genesis, and through each book of the Bible, I shall post my thoughts from it, and what I may have learnt. After the bible I plan to read the Qu'ran, and then maybe more 'holy' texts, but I'll finish the bible first.

 And thats it for now.